Out Here in Limbo

Nothing from Garland yet. They have my video, so I figure they'll call any day and say

"You're the most amazing thing we've ever heard. Get up here."

Krist and I are very interested in it. We've never been nuts to move, but this feels different. Naturally, I'm posting all this junk about how right it feels, then they'll call me next Monday and say they're looking for something else and I'll have to admit it to the world that . . . gasp . . . somebody doesn't want me.

I did get an interesting email from Todd Hinkie, though. He's worship leader at Grace Community in Tyler, and he mentioned that he needed to call me. I think he may want to utilize worshipnotes to promote his big Worship Workshop next year. I went to the last one and I loved it, so I'd be thrilled to help out.

Pretty excited about a few events coming up - Wednesday night worship for the Wesley Foundation in Nac, Weekend Retreat for Robert in Sanger, plus Senior Sunday. I'm definitely not cut out to be a gigging musician, but it is fun to get out there and try something new every once in awhile!

He Is Risen!

Morning Set
My Redeemer Lives (Hillsongs)
He Lives (Wright)
Sing to the King (Foote)
All Hail the Power (Peronnet, Holden)
Come Ye Sinners (Hart)
The Cross of Christ (Wright)

Pretty good set - lots of visitors checking us out. At rehearsal on Thursday, I just tried to encourage the team (and myself) that my goal today was to just simply bless the body. Too often on Easter, we feel like it's our "one shot" to catch all the fish we can. Certainly, it's such an amazing day for people to encounter the cross, but from the music perspective, we usually have - wait, I usually have, such an unrealistic expectation for worship. I told the team that I wanted to be focused on blessing the congregants with a quality opportunity to worship as opposed to staring at them in disbelief when they're not dancing in the aisle like I would want them to do.

I believe we had folks who worshipped. I kinda' blew the He Lives to Sing to the King deal. I got nervous with the pause and went ahead and started. To the crowd it just sounded like another Todd-Started-Songs, but I wish I would have said a bit more during the drum introduction.

Is it a blast to hear a guy talk about a set like you were there and know what the heck these songs sounded like?

Lent is over! Hallelujah!
I'm going to eat sugar all stinkin' day!
Kidding.
I hope.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I Love Ya', Tomorrow

I attended our church's Good Friday service last night. It was a great service - a perfect blend of mourning and hope. Music was excellent - our church choir sang wonderfully.

Writing some lately. Weird, artsy stuff. I haven't finished anything, but I'm having fun.

Hope tomorrow is joyous for you and yours!

Man of Integrity

Last year, the Vertical Music label released a live worship album entitled "Rooftops." They are songs from the Desperation movement - I'm not sure if that's like a conference or service or what, but whatever it is, it is a really good album.
Kristen was gone to Tyler tonight so Jonah and I went out for the typical dad/son meal - pizza. On the way, I turned on the Rooftops record and cranked it up. (I married a woman who is not a fan of loud things - talk about your match made in heaven.) Anyway, Jonah and I driving along and the song "Satisfy" comes on. Great song - great lyrics, great chords, beautiful flowing arrangement, the whole deal. And as I'm singing out loud, I'm thinking, this is where God has me right now. God is teaching me to find my satisfaction in him. To not worry about making a CD, to not worry about writing hit songs, to not worry about landing a full time gig somewhere - to just live in the provision of my Father.
I think Firewheel probably got my video today, and maybe that's why God is putting the idea of contentment in my head - I tend to get overly freaked out and nervous when a church calls.

Father,
You have provided me with everything I need
The longer I live, I see needs that I wasn't even aware of
continually met by You
You satisfy me....

The Stuff I See

As I mentioned in last night's blog, worship yesterday was really good. Everything just worked together, I guess. Strangely, it wasn't until today that I remembered something neat that happened as I was leading.

I forget what tune we were doing, but I had seen a woman earlier that I thought I knew. She was visiting the church, but I just couldn't place her. Beside her stood a man and woman who are faithful members at our church. They are both quiet reserved people who love God and have always encouraged me with kind words.
Neither one of these folks are particularly physically expressive in worship. Please know that I'm not one who thinks that physical worship is everything. Yes, we are to obey the Word as far as what we do in worship, but I also understand the tribe to which I minister. Many of them are newly on the journey of finding an intimacy with the Father.
So I am doing this song and a slight movement catches my eye. I looked to see the wife slowly raising her hand in worship. Her eyes were closed...she was singing...and she lifted her hand just below shoulder-level. It wasn't a big movement. In fact, I doubt anybody saw it but me. But it was a big deal for her.
I'm not a great worship teacher. I don't write songs that are sung all over the state. Sometimes I don't have a clue how to get from one song to the other. But in moments like yesterday, I realize what a privilege it is to serve in the praise of God.

I honestly believe I had nothing to do with that expression that I saw. But it was a rare gift from the Father and it reminded me of the pure elation we find in sweet, simple surrender.

some days are better than others

Today's set
Great Is Your Love (King)
Sermon
The Wonderful Cross (Tomlin) Synth transition to key of G....
Majesty (Hayford)
Offering
Lifted Hands (Keyes)
Lord, I Lift Your Name on High (Founds)
He Lives (Wright)

It was a really good set. Primarily because our people came expectant and ready to worship. I do think the songs worked well together. I like it when I have a set that flows even when all of the songs aren't in the same key. "He Lives" is getting better. I'm going to cut the first chorus in half to give it a bit more of a pop styled arrangement.

Played OSM tonight. Did Steve Deal's "Fall On Me." Such a cool song.

Didn't ride my bike today. Took a nap instead. Gonna' try to walk on the treadmill tonight. Lately, I've been watching DVD's as I walk. (Seinfeld is way funnier w/ headphones, man.)

Hey, if you're interested in reading some really cool thoughts, check out www.rosskingmusic.com. Ross wrote this really cool thing about Christian radio. It's long. Make sure you've got time.

Oh, by the way, I'm going to see U2 on October 28th. Just thought I'd mention that.

New Easter Shirt

So I'm out w/ Jonah and Krist today and Kristen starts asking me what we're going to do about "Easter clothes."

I hate the idea of "Easter Clothes." Don't get me wrong - I like a new pair of pants as much as the next guy. Matter of fact, found a nice new shirt for Easter Sunday. So did Jonah. Gotta' love Old Navy, man.

I think it's the whole thing of needing clothes for Easter. What's the deal there? As I minister, am I supposed to already know where the idea came from? I mean, if I let my mind run wild, I can see how someone could say that buying and wearing new clothes on the big Day could symbolize new life - putting on robes of righteousness - that kind of thing.

In fact, I think I can even see where it makes sense for those who pretty much attend church just on Easter. It seems natural - somebody who hasn't been to church in awhile looks forward to this thing - they want to look nice. Nothing wrong with that. But like most everything else, this little unique thing about this particluar day (New clothes on Easter) is becoming too big of a deal. When I was a teenager, this guy at my church who loved God and who was passionate about worship told me that he purposely dressed down on Easter Sunday. I guess he was rebelling against the whole idea. But you know what happened?

Instead of people saying to themselves,
"Tim sure is casual this Easter," it ended up offending them.
"Well, look! Tim is just trying to go against the grain."

Maybe I'm overthinking the Easter shirt. (I do look good in it.) But is this what I should be stressing over a week before Easter?

Listen, Easter isn't just another Sunday. It's a big day. It deserves thought, and preparation and giving. I just don't know that it should be thoughts about what size looks best, preparation of ironing and giving the 17 year-old at the counter a crisp $20.

If you're at Lufkin's First Methodist on Easter Sunday this year, you'll see me sporting my khakis and that cool blue linen shirt. But hopefully you'll find my mind and heart focused on something else entirely.

U2 Countdown

Don't have much time to write anything.
Just had to let everybody know that Robert and I will be spending a little time w/ Bono, Edge, Larry and Adam on October 28.

"Hello, hello....
You know I can't wait to go"

My Own Personal Vespers

Late night blogging just before going to be is becoming a bit of a ritual with me. Like daily meditation or something.

Had worship practice tonight. It was good. We just brought in a new piano player who is very good but can't get her mind around the whole "less is more" approach. At one point in rehearsal, I asked her to just play chords one time and let them ring.

"Just chords? Let them ring for the whole song?" she asked.
I nodded and smiled, hoping with all my might she'll trust me in this scary new adventure of hers!

Now we've got keys AND piano. I was worried it might become a bit murky, but since we were out an electric, I think the spaces filled up nicely. I think it's a good set. We're trying "He Lives" again. We're also doing . . . no, I can't tell you.

No, really. If I did, I would lose so much credibility. I can't...please, don't make me.
OKAY!
OKAY!
WE'RE DOING 'LORD I LIFT YOUR NAME ON HIGH!'

But wait! We're doing in A. Sort of like a Caedmon's-Hope to Carry On feel, you know? No, it's cool. Very funky. Nice rhythm pocket. (Need more musical terms to reinstate artistic integrity - can't think - need time.)

Now, I'm just being silly.

Lent vs. Candy

As my friends know, I gave up sugar for Lent this year. Now since I've only observed Lent once before, this has been a tough one for me. I'm sure there are numerous spiritual elitists who believe that I should not share my lenten committments with others, but you know, I do stuff a lot worse than that on any given day. So bite me, theologan.

I mentioned it earlier in the experience that Lent makes me appreciate the magnitude of Christ's suffering because my little trouble pales in comparison. But now I have a new observation.

I'm an addict. Since I've got off sugar, I've lost weight, learned some significant spiritual truths and done something regarding personal discipline that I never thought possible. But you know what I'm not?

Happy.

Since I removed sugar, I see how much I enjoyed a delicious Little Debbie or bowl of Golden Grahams. I looked forward to that. And you know what? I think it made more fun. Now, I'm at a birthday party and someone offers me cake and I politely decline and they look at me like, "Isnt' this jolly, portly, fun old Todd?" Well, guess what? It's not. It's pensive, disciplined, boring Todd. And I don't know if I like him.

I'm enjoying getting a bit healthier. In fact, I think I'll approach the whole issue of junk food differently after Lent is done. Is that what Lent is? Is it supposed to turn us into these super-somber people for 40 days? I get the symbolism. I get the whole dark, mourning time. But Christ is alive. What do you do when symbolism starts taking the place of reality? Can I sing a song about Jesus' resurrection during Lent or do I have to wait until the glorious Easter morn?

Jesus lives. Have a Snickers.
Who am I now, Chesterton?

Sleep or Songwriting?

I called Forrest today to see if he tried "Fast as Fast" on his songwriting teacher. The dude like the first verse a lot, had minor problems with the chorus and ripped apart our second verse. Forrest then played my original second verse, which the guy liked better, but still tore up. He had some good to stuff to say, but I don't think Forrest and I will pursue that. I'm thinking of joining TAXI again. I always think that's going to be the answer, but last time, it was just a lot of money and hard work down the drain. I also considered entering some stuff in songwriting contests, but I need to do a little research on that.

Apparently, around 10:30 in the morning is my most creative part of the day. I'm sitting at my desk, writing lyrics, hearing melodies, thinking "Oh yeah. When my family goes to bed tonight, I'm writing 3 or 4 songs." Yet, here it is. Not even 10pm and my eyes are already sagging.

I know, I know. What the heck am I doing blogging if I'm so tired, right?

Good point.

Marketing Todd

I videotaped myself leading worship this morning. Firewheel wants to see "what I do," and I guess this morning was as good as any other. We were short a few musicians, but by moving folks around I was able to get a decent band feel. It's strange because I realize I'm sending this thing so that will like me/want me. And the whole idea of going up there to lead worship so they can see me is just weird. If the worship of God is about the worship of God, how do I lead a service where the undertone is decidedly "will Todd impress us?"

We did a new song of mine today, "He Lives." I like it, but I don't think anybody else does. My worship stuff just hasn't been connecting lately. I know I'm supposed to be writing. I just wish I could write better. I pretty much told Forrest that I was through w/ the Nashville writing thing. I think I've got some good ideas, but co-writing is hard enough without a 12 hour drive between you and your partner. I told him I'd help him if he needed anything. He was gracious, but I think he knows this isn't working out either. It's a bit sad, but I really don't have time be writing/recording/rewriting/rerecording/pitching folky singer-songwriter material. Forrest says I have too many "and"s in my songs. And I think he's right.

Hey, if you read this thing, shoot me a comment. Sadly, it really would brighten my day.

3/7/05 8:30pm

Worship was horrible yesterday. I was just off. I didn't pace the set very well and I think our people missed the more prayerful/teaching beginning that we've been doing for the past few weeks. This coming week, I think I'm going to have folks turn to one another and share some blessing or something they're grateful for. By using a scripture about recounting God's faithfullness, I think that would be a great start to a service. It would focus us, I think.

I answered the questions for Firewheel Church in Garland. I tried to video our service yesterday morning (Firewheel asked to "see" me.) However, I didn't have anybody mixing the sound, so it ended up being a non-stop-keyboard-jam since David's channel was super hot. I was a bit bummed, but at least worship was really bad. I would have been hacked if worship had been awesome and I didn't get a tape of it. Plus, I'd like to lose a little more weight! Ha!

I'm getting more excited about the Firewheel, but I have got an equal amount of sadness about moving Jonah from his family. I'm definitely going to need some guidance on this.

3/5/05 9:24M

Got a call from a church in Garland yesterday. They found my resume at www.churchstaffing.com and they are interested in hiring a worship leader. It's a good church that seems to have some real vision. I filled out a form they sent me and will send it back later tonight. Will update the blog as things progress.

3/4/05 11:55pm

A church from Garland called me today looking for a worship guy. Strangely enough, I knew the guy who called. He had been a youth pastor in Lufkin years ago, and remembered me. They found my resume at www.churchstaffing.com. It seems like a pretty good church. Very progressive. Good healhty numbers, good vision, it seems.
They have a praise choir and a horn section, so I'm not real sure how to deal with that. The guy sent me a long list of questions that they say will help them get to know me better.

I'm not nuts about moving. But this is a church 3 hours away (not too far/still in Texas,) wants to be progressive, with pretty good money. I kinda' feel like its a shot worth taking. Of course, the fear is there....

What if they rude? What if I move too fast? What if I alienate folks? What if I get there and the church has seriously misrepresented itself and I'm stuck in a place? I don't my resume to read, "March 2005 to March 31, 2005" - Firewheel Church, Garland, Texas. I guess resumes aren't everything. I had really hoped to stay at First Methodist for two years (the resume thing again,) but Keith (my contact at Firewheel) says they are pursuing a worship position "aggressively."

I'm scared.

3/2/05 8:15pm

If I was being honest, and let's say for argument's sake that I always am, I would willingly admit that liturgy- at least in my own personal experience - does nothing for me.
Now, when I speak of liturgy, I hold a very specific idea in my head. I'm talking about recitations, read prayers and oral responses to scripture.
I know the standard comeback - I've studied the issue at least long enough to know the comeback that the liturgist has for me . . .
"Doesn't do anything for? Liturgy isn't about you! Liturgy isn't a feeling. You do liturgy because God deserves it."

I suppose there's some truth to that, but if the church is going to say that liturgy is some sort of spiritual discipline, then why can't we hold it to the same standard that we hold all the other ones.
Prayer, Bible study, worship, servanthood - we all judge this things by the level of growth we experience as we do them. I'm not saying we experience dramatic life-change every time we read the Bible. We all know that there are many times where Bible study is just that - Bible study. But we do it because God has said that His Word is truth and the truth will set us free.

Here's the way I look at it - if I keep coming to worship and I'm not changing, not growing, I need to reevaluate what I'm doing. Am I worshipping in a way that's unbiblical? Is God using the dry season to get my attention about something in my personal life?

If liturgy doesn't change us - doesn't grow us closer to the Father, then why do we do it? Just to remember? Why? A memory is supposed to remind you, to take your thoughts back to something. If liturgy doesn't bring me back to something that continually teaches and matures me, what's the use?
Maybe it's me. Maybe I need to work harder at remembering. I just know that I've been trying liturgy for awhile now and I don't think I've grown from it at all.