10 Reasons Why Motorcycle Cops Think They're Cool

I've made no mystery of my severe aversion to motorcycle police officers.

Don't like 'em. Never have. And I don't plan on changing any time soon.

Now, before you get all crazy, let me offer this little tidbit: my father was a police officer for over 20 years. I've got tremendous respect for the men and women of law enforcement.

As long as they don't ride a motorcycle.

I thought I was alone in this, until just a few weeks ago, I saw this from @mcblake:

Suddenly, I felt free to speak my mind. So today, I'll be hypothosizing about what exactly causes bike cops to be so...

10. THE KNEEJERK REACTION
Maybe they don't think they're better. Maybe they're ticked because they don't get to drive around in A/C. When you think about it, what cop in the south would prefer the "hog" to the "cruiser"? Maybe all that bad attitude is justified. Maybe it's just sweat and road grime that's got 'em all grouchy.

9. THE WEAVING
This has to be a key component in the superiority complex...they can weave through traffic. Think about it - while a normal police car would have to find an adequate shoulder to blast past a traffic jam, the bike cop can just weave through. Or what about all those off-road chases these guys have? Knowing that you're the only dude who can bound up some dirt hill after a red pickup truck with a yellow door has to do something to your ego.

8. THE HIDING
I feel have pretty good evidence for this as there is documented evidence of motorcycle cops hiding behind the church sign at Tyler Christian Fellowship. Their buddies in the big Crown Vics can't do that, can they? The hiding ability alone must account for better returns on citations every day.

7. THE NEARNESS
Motorcycle cops have also got to to be impressed with the variety of their tickets. You can get by a cop car with an expired sticker (trust me) or a cellphone in a school zone. But not a bike cop. He's right there in your personal space! That's got to be another leg up on the cruiser cops.

6. THE REBEL
Motorcycles are rebellious vehicles. Anybody that I know who has a motorcycle feels a certain "rogue" attitude when he or she gets on one. Bike cops get to be the rebel...and the authority. It's a win-win. For them. Not you.

5. THE BOOTS
These things must be standard issue. I mean, I get it. Nobody wants to walk around with scalded calves, but have you ever seen a bike cop wearing those plain, black hiking sneakers like other officers do? Those boots have to be about 4,000 degrees by the end of the day. No wonder they're so mad all the time. (Bet their socks are huge, too.)

4. THE HOURS
When's the last time you saw a bike cop working at night?
Me neither.
Is it a normal day job? That's gotta' feel good every day about 7 when you're pulling into the station and all your buddies are heading out to work the graveyard shift.

3. THE BACK PAIN
Cops in cars can park, recline the seat a bit and relax now and again. (I'm the son of one...believe me...they do it.) Not the bike cop. He has to maintain correct posture constantly. That gets old quick.

3. THE EXHIBITION
There's no privacy for the officer on the motorcycle. He's exposed to the public all day. He can't scratch his armpit or take off his shoes to rub his feet. If it rains, he's getting soaked. He's on exhibition every hour he's on the job. Dude...I'd be bitter, too.

2. THE JUNK FOOD
Most police officers have terrible diets. The officer in a car can plunk down his Route44 of Dr. Pepper in the cup holder and set his steaming Chicken Express bag in the passenger seat. Not the motorcycle guy. He don't get no snacks.

1. THE MUSTACHE
You might be bothered by an ordinary 'stache. But not on a bike cop. You see a motorcycle cop with a mustache and you know everything is right in this crazy old world of ours.

What did I miss?
What's the deal with motorcycle cops?
And what are the chances I'll someday be ticketed for writing this blog post?