Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Dear Guy-About-To-Be-Married...

The following is a list of important things every groom-to-be needs to know. This list, in particular, is called "everything gross."

Young men, please know that once you're married, one of your jobs will be the handling of all things gross. We share this because we feel that if you're better prepared for this, then you won't be a jerk about it.

  • When you find that bag of trash that somehow got shoved into the pantry instead of the dumpster and now it's growing it's own life forms, it's your job.

  • When some sort of plumbing disaster occurs and things you normally intend to remove from your presence come back into your life, it's your job.

  • When the changing of diapers becomes a part of your life, you'll think you're getting a break. Even the most squeamish of moms will face the untold horrors of diapers because they are motivated by a love and devotion that you can only partially understand. However, the break is short lived. Because once the toxic diapers are collected, compiled and ready for the trash, somebody will need to tote that 87 pound sack of punishing smells out to the trash can. And guess what? It's your job.

  • You will be asked to run to the store for creams, pills, ointments and other more private products for your wife and later on, your kids. You may be embarrassed, but you'll do it anyway. Because it's your job.

  • This next one varies from family to family, but there is a very strong possibility that you'll clean up a lot of vomit in your lifetime. And a lot of won't be yours. It's your job.

  • There are other things that aren't as gross as they are uncomfortable, but they still fall under this concept of the persecuted husband. If it's raining, snowing or exceptionally windy, anything out-of-doors will fall to you. Why? Say it with me - it's your job.
Marriage is awesome, guys. And no matter how much junk you have to smell, handle and's totally worth it.

And the great part is that this awesome gift of God is actually...your job.


Shelly Conn said...

Love it!!

Anonymous said...

Amen brother. The advantages make it worth while.

Anonymous said...

Amen brother!

Robert Conn said...

This is great! Thanks for sharing.

The Prudent Homemaker said...

I laughed so hard! It's all true!

My husband does all of these. I help with many.

As I like to say, "It's all fun and games until someone poops in the tub!"--oh, and that one is MY job. Hopefully there was only one child in the tub at a time when this occurs!

Dale Best said...

Hey Todd, do you mind if I turn this into a bit on the radio?

Liz said...

Hilarious! However I must say, Larry doesn't do the vomit or personal products for the wifey. I don't mind too much though b/c he handles all those other gross things!