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Monday, September 13, 2010

Rules For Successful Living - SUNDAY MORNINGS

Let me first say that I have one of the greatest jobs in the world. Sure, it's hard sometimes, but serving on a church staff is the most rewarding work I've ever done.

In my many years of serving in the churches, I've picked up some "tricks" to make sure that I end every Sunday feeling like a winner. Whether you're paid to work on Sundays or not, I think you can't help but be blessed by my teaching.

  1. DON'T STEP ON A SCALE. Listen, you are not going to be at your best if you leave the house stressed about that extra eight pounds you put on this week. It's best to avoid the issue of weight altogether. Wake up expecting to look fantastic. If that shirt's a little too tight, don't worry...use one of the great clothing rules for success. Tell yourself it's the "style" now. (In addition, it's a known fact that weighing before church makes your hair less shiny and harder to manage.) Really a no-brainer once you think about it.

  2. STAY UP REALLY REALLY LATE THE NIGHT BEFORE. Yeah, you'll have bags under your eyes, but if you've followed rule #1, then you're already to going to thinking awesome of yourself, so why not live it up on Saturday night? Plus, your sullen and grouchy demeanor will immediately communicate intensity. "Why is that guy so grumpy?" He's not grumpy, dude. He's prophetic.

  3. LEAVE THE BUILDING LIKE A NINJA. Once the final "amen" is heard, get the heck out of there. Listen, you've been there all morning and there's nothing wrong with being the first one of the parking lot. Hanging around is only going to make your day longer. Chances are somebody will need a CD burned or want to talk songwriting. Don't they know you're off the clock at 12pm?

  4. DON'T LOOK AT PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE YOU. For some reason, there is a teeny tiny percentage of your congregation that doesn't dig what you do. They either think your songs are too slow or your voice is too loud or your pants aren't fancy enough. What they don't realize is that it's very important that every Sunday you need to believe that every person in the room is in love with you. To accomplish this, try to avoid making any eye contact with folks you aren't your fans. You gotta' keep your spirits up.

  5. REMEMBER THAT THERE'S ONLY PERSON WHO CAN ADEQUATELY JUDGE IF A SERVICE WAS GOOD. YOU. The important thing is that you leave the church campus feeling as if you belong on the next Passion tour. Do a quick 'quality survey' to see how you did - did your voice sound awesome? Did you say smart things? Did everybody think you wrote that last song that was really written by Delirious? Then you're good.

3 comments:

Liz said...

Are you sure you didn't miss your calling as a stand up comedian?

wjcollier3 said...

"Did everybody think you wrote that last song that was really written by Delirious?"

Shouldn't that be "Delirious??"" since you asked a question and the question mark is part of their name? I'm just sayin'.

Todd Wright said...

Intentionally left that question mark out, John. Because it's stupid.

And I'd tell Martin Smith that to his face! (after I asked for an autograph)