It was inevitable, I suppose. And it started so innocently.
I'm talking about the daily struggle I find myself in - the decision I've made.
I will not be a bitter worship leader.
Bitterness as innocent beginning, you say? Certainly.
You see, I love the ministry of worship. Some might say I love it too much. Regardless, I've devoted my life to studying it, watching it, learning it, trying it and talking about it. I've done so because I've always believed God's wants all of us - our best energies and thoughts and chord structures, etc.
That's the innocent beginning - the desire to know God's thoughts worship as fully (or as incompletely) as one futile finite human mind can. But it's starting to turn on me, gang.
You see, once one forms rather solid convictions about theology or doctrine or scripture, regardless of his her specific "field," one become hyper-sensitive to any and all others who don't hold the aforementioned rather solid convictions.
The very thing that started it all - the quest for more information and experience about the ministry of God's praise - now begins taking me to places I don't want to go. To hear song selections that are all wrong and to see worship leaders who don't think about the sets other than whether or not the guitar lead is going to kill or not.
And it can turn me bitter. It can turn me into a snob of varyious colors - theological, musical, pastoral. And I hate that. I hate that the search, the pursuit of honor God as sincerely and as Biblically as I can, now threatens to turn me into somebody who holds grudges, someone who quickly "writes people off," someone who's way to smart for their own good (or the good of the church in general.)
So I fight the bitterness. I pray for humility. At times, I pray for the strength to shut up, just as I've prayed for the courage to speak up. I look for the ways to speak my peace when God opens those doors and not just when the other person gets quiet enough for me to respond.
Maybe you've been a victim of this egotistical little storm in my head. If so, I'm sorry. I'm trying here, and if you see it rising up in me...
squash it.
I'm talking about the daily struggle I find myself in - the decision I've made.
I will not be a bitter worship leader.
Bitterness as innocent beginning, you say? Certainly.
You see, I love the ministry of worship. Some might say I love it too much. Regardless, I've devoted my life to studying it, watching it, learning it, trying it and talking about it. I've done so because I've always believed God's wants all of us - our best energies and thoughts and chord structures, etc.
That's the innocent beginning - the desire to know God's thoughts worship as fully (or as incompletely) as one futile finite human mind can. But it's starting to turn on me, gang.
You see, once one forms rather solid convictions about theology or doctrine or scripture, regardless of his her specific "field," one become hyper-sensitive to any and all others who don't hold the aforementioned rather solid convictions.
The very thing that started it all - the quest for more information and experience about the ministry of God's praise - now begins taking me to places I don't want to go. To hear song selections that are all wrong and to see worship leaders who don't think about the sets other than whether or not the guitar lead is going to kill or not.
And it can turn me bitter. It can turn me into a snob of varyious colors - theological, musical, pastoral. And I hate that. I hate that the search, the pursuit of honor God as sincerely and as Biblically as I can, now threatens to turn me into somebody who holds grudges, someone who quickly "writes people off," someone who's way to smart for their own good (or the good of the church in general.)
So I fight the bitterness. I pray for humility. At times, I pray for the strength to shut up, just as I've prayed for the courage to speak up. I look for the ways to speak my peace when God opens those doors and not just when the other person gets quiet enough for me to respond.
Maybe you've been a victim of this egotistical little storm in my head. If so, I'm sorry. I'm trying here, and if you see it rising up in me...
squash it.
1 comments:
The thing to remember is that the doctrine, theology, study, whatever, itself is the means by which to keep from getting bitter. True Christian worship and theology brings about the fruit of charity. For example, my Calviny leanings lead to patience with my brothers who don't believe the Lord is sovereign in that way. Why? Because He is and that sovereignty extends over them as well. Or, my convictions about the present status of Jesus' Kingdom lend me confidence that He's ruling even over those who don't think He is, yet.
Likewise, as we struggle to take this whole P&W thing out of its infancy (and babies are quite immature) we can rest (literally) assured that when God is worshiped rightly, He will act. If God is in the reform, the reform will happen. And a lot of the people who need to reform don't know any better, because the system needs reforming! So we can extend a little charity their way, teach, and try to be patient.
Of course, there is so much out there that's so very gay, it can be discouraging. But we know the outcome.
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