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Monday, July 14, 2008

This Man Has No Heart...

This is Clay Walker.

Last week, he was featured on this blog as both a part of our camp experience and the owner of a fascinating beard.

I devoted a significant amount of time and energy to this man. Because I care about him.

But he does not care about me.

Why would I say such a thing?

Here's why....

Kyle Grimes and I flew into Baltimore late last Sunday night. We waited for our other bandmates to arrive, then headed to our homes for the night. Forrest and Justin stayed with the Fullens, while Kyle and I crashed in the basement of Lance and Amy Burch. Clay, who arrived on Saturday, was also staying at Lance's house.

Upon arrival, we talked for a bit, then all went to bed.

The next morning, we all packed our gear to head out for camp.

At some point during this load-up, Clay asked Lance if we would be coming back to the Burch's house before heading to the airport once camp was over.

Now, there are a few problems with the whole exchange. They are not critical to the point of Clay's heartlessness, but they certainly deserve retelling. In this matter, Clay made a few faulty assumptions....

#1. That Lance already knew all of our flight times on Friday afternoon and knew who would be delivering us to the airport.

#2. That Friday's closing service and load-out times were a given.

Lance reportedly answers, "Sure, we can come back," and Clay decides to leave two t-shirts, a pair of shorts and a belt at the house. (I'm not exactly sure why - surely they would have fit in his suitcase?)

We go to camp. Camp is good. And on Thursday night, I talk to Jason about load-out. As he starts hearing our different flight times, he starts to get that we'll-never-make-that look. I am not a fan of this look.

On Friday, we load as fast as possible and begin structuring the vehicles in such a way so that Kyle and I get to our flight (which was first in the order...)

The problem was then revealed...rather than driving straight back to the church, we had to go significantly out of our way to pick up four articles of clothing from Lance's home.

Hear me now - I wasn't that mad at Clay for leaving his stuff. Kyle and I weren't stressing the departure or anything. I wasn't mad at Lance for answering Clay's question in the affirmative.

But I was mad nonetheless.

You know what Clay said when all of this confusion erupted? When it was realized that his shorts and shirts and belt might actually cause us to miss our flight?

Nothing.

No apologies. No "oh-gosh-guys-I-never-thought-about-that." As a matter of fact, when I said, "Clay, don't you even feel a little bit bad about this?" He said this:

"No! I mean, if you miss your flight, I might feel bad about it, but no. I'm not sorry. Lance told me we could come back."

Lance-told-me-we-could-come-back was pretty much his only defense, as evidenced by the 53 times he said it to us.

It was an unfortunate, but manageable, set of circumstances. That, we could deal with.

But one of my best friends so blatantly disregarding my concern and so flippantly speaking to me?

That was a huge hurt to me, and because of that, for the next five days this blog will be running a series that will seek to smear and castigate and ridicule one Mr. Clay Walker.

And maybe, he'll learn the lesson we all need to learn.

You do not mess with Todd Blog.

Clay has been notified of this week's blogging theme and is free to defend his actions here on the blog or via any other suitable online forum. But hopefully not his own blog, because it is totally lame.

6 comments:

Clay said...

Cool post. I especially love what you did to my pic. Dark. Evil. Sinister.

Castigate. Besmirch. Smear on, my friend. It should be good fun.

Clay said...

Almost forgot...the items I left included one pair of jeans, too.

Robert Conn said...

I think we all know the real instigator and culprit is Mr. Burch. I mean this is the same guy that instead of driving his guests to the airport early in the morning... threw me the keys to his car and said, "Call me when you land."

Mind you I had never been to Maryland before then, or driven to an airport in Maryland. Thanks Lance.

Oh, did I ever tell you I got a speeding ticket and left it under your seat?

rk said...

I have a few thoughts:

First, I don't know Clay. I feel sympathy for him, because there was a period of his life where he had to obviously say "no relation" a lot. Perhaps during that period he even had to apologize a few times for not being able to deliver a compelling rendition of "if i could make a living out of loving you." this must have been hard. perhaps it even scarred him at some level.

for his sake, i hope he WAS scarred, and that maybe his actions can be blamed, at least partially, on said emotional trauma.

because he blew it on this one.

people who don't apologize are on my "try hard not to kick that guy in the shins" list. clay, your mistake (and yes, it was a mistake not to go ahead and pack a literal handful of clothing articles) inconvenienced others. apology in order. sorry. as much as i love to make fun of todd and throw him under any bus that comes remotely near him, this time he's right.

admittedly, i might be a little biased against clay because his beard is, well, scary and disgusting. i too have chin fuzz, but i keep it nicely manicured in accordance with hygeine, societal norms, and the hope of much sex with my wife.

so i suppose there's a chance that i'm prejudiced, just a little.

either way, todd wins this one.

i will say that i admire clay's courage and tenacity in the face of a full-on todd blog onslaught. kudos, clay. but then again, a guy who refuses to apologize when he is so clearly wrong is probably okay with public chastisement.

finally, "castigate"? holy crap, todd, you're the man. until i looked it up, i thought you were talking about doing harm to clay's male parts. thank you dictionary.com.

Artie said...

Look, the guy is a pool shark for goodness sakes.. he has no conscious..but the beard... oh yeah!

Can I get a poster sized print of that pic for my wall? That is one awesome pic.

chrismaroon said...

I think this whole "failure to apologize" thing is directly related to his beard. That most hideous, ungroomed, mass of facial fur is literally sucking the most vital nutrients, proteins, enzymes, prostiglandins, neurotransmitters, and just general sense, from that bald mellon of his.

He can't help it. There is a lawyer out there, I'm sure, that could make any defense imaginable out of that facial fur. Car wreck - beard. Broken leg - beard. Dog bite - beard. Chipped tooth - beard. Slander - beard. Theft - beard. Assault - beard.

There is no end. Blame it on the beard.