INTER:VIEW - Robert Conn

INTER:VIEW is a new feature of Todd Blog where I interview my friends to showcase how rockin' awesome they are. According to the rules of INTER:VIEW, the interview post with the most comments will win a free guest-blogging spot in the future.

#1. Robert, how do you keep your shirts from getting wrinkled? You always look so fresh and poised...it's amazing.

Todd,I’m honored that your first question to me would be a reference to my physical appearance. I tell you it’s hard to keep up such a debonair (I dare say gentlemanly, courtly, and somewhat dashing look). Not many men could handle such a task but I feel it is my lot in life so onward I must go. Truthfully, I hang my shirts up after each use. Unless of course they need washing then into the spinner for a playful date with Mrs. Downy. Other than that I don’t really have a secret. I don’t think my house has any special electrons floating around unless you count the ones which exist simply from having a smoking hot wife.

#2. You and your wife just had your fourth child. I think I speak for all of us when I say....ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

As it turns out, Todd, we really don’t know what causes it. We do things to each other and pretty soon stuff like this begins to happen. I can’t keep Shelly away from me, Todd, I try believe me... but she’s like a herd of drunken monkeys. I don’t even have to use Axe or Tag or any other babe-catching pheromone. Like the other night I walked in and simply wink at her and she says to me, “I got a headache and my back is killing me.” And so I respond, “I know what you’re really trying to say baby... It’s business time!”

#3. You now have three girls and one son. Your son, Levi, really is the spitting image of you. He also tends to run smack-dab into walls and tackle other children to the ground. Did he get that from Dad?

The doctors tell us that the concussions and blunt trauma scars will dissipate over time. As far as the other kids are concerned... listen, all we can tell those other parents is, “Quit allowing your kids to be sissies. I mean teach them how to defend themselves already, Mr. Levi’s coming through... honk! honk!” I mean, I really can’t help it if my son already has a positive balance on his Man Card. The dude can chew through a plastic wiener package for goodness sakes.

Seriously though, we got so used to having girls so Levi still strikes us as abnormal at best and downright freakish most other times. We were conditioned to think Pink, Barbie, and Dress Up. Now we have to retrain our minds to think Bugs, Trucks, and the very pensive Man-Grunt. Everyday is a new battle and experience.

Although it is really cool to have at least one child who can instinctively reproduce the sound of any major assault rifle.

#4. I find that you tend to reference the phrase "meat helmets" a lot. Um...what exactly are meat helmets?

I believe the first time I heard it was on Austin Powers. Dr. Evil made the statement reminiscing about his childhood... “My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.”

Not sure why that one stuck...

#5. You play guitar and sing, but musically, you're better known as a percussionist. Why haven't you ever transitioned to a full drum kit? Are you scared?

Frankly, I looked around and noticed how all the well-known drummers sweat too much. I’d have no part of that. It messes with my appearance (see question #1).

I saw Bart Millard playing a Djembe in 1997 and fell in love. With the Djembe that is (while Bart is quite the personality... I was less attracted to him). After I purchased my Djembe I began to add similar percussion type instruments and various noise makers. I actually played using a silver bowl once. The ministry I was involved in had several talented “Kit” drummers already so I opted to stick with the more acoustic/simple kit. Other influences included Craig Weaver and Luis Conte.

#6. You're also an Aggie. Do you find that you regularly regret going to A&M? (Or at least for owning so much maroon-colored clothing?)

Look, I have some T-Shirts, ok... My cars are not maroon; my kids aren’t named Kyle, Ross, or Reveille; and my alarm clock is a chime... not the Aggie War Hymn. While it’s true I did attend Bonfire on occasion, I promise I never inhaled! I’m sorry if I tend to fancy saloons, dominoes and extra large burritos but that is just the way it has to be.

#7. When you and I first met, you favored overalls and work boots. Now, you're rather hip...do you miss the overall days?

I was really hoping no one would remember that, Todd. Yes, I still own some Dickies overalls and work boots. Typically these days I only exhibit them in the form of a costume. I’d like to say I’ve become civilized but the truth is I got tired of wearing Wranglers. Not much breathing room in there if you know what I mean? Now overalls... you could go all commando in those bad boys!

#8. Is it true that you and your wife once had a swing dance routine?

Yes, Todd, it is true. I could make up some lame story about this but I think the damage is far too serious already.

#9. Any chance you could video yourselves doing that routine and post it online? Think you guys could still remember all the moves.

Actually, I believe it is archived on YouTube under “What in the hell were we thinking?”

10. Most of us have heard the rumors regarding your wife's burgeoning addiction to sweet tea. First of all...are the rumors true? And if so, what are you doing to walk beside her on the road to recovery?

Remember that arm cast I had? Yeah, I told you it was from a bicycle accident. Truth is I tried to drink Shelly’s sweet tea and she went all Bruce Lee on me. After I came to, I found myself bound and gagged on a boat in the Northern Philippines crying in the arms of a large tattooed man named Mua. Do not, I repeat do not attempt to intervene in any beverage situation with that woman.


My thanks to Robert Conn, a good friend, a great percussionist and the hippest G in all of North Texas. Okay...now give him some Comment Love!