Where I Write An Imaginary Letter To A Fictional Character To Subjugate My Rage...

Dear Man-Who-Designed This Hospital,

Thank you so much for placing that motion-activated paper towel dispenser in the tiny little corner right beside the sink that sits right outside the door.

Thanks for that.Now, every time I tip-toe over to wash my hands or sneak to the bathroom, my passing shoulder prompts the machine to emit at least 80db of sound as it shoots out paper towels for whoever or whatever just crossed it's all-seeing eye.

I appreciate it, because I like being startled in the middle of the night, spinning my head around as fast as I can to make sure I didn't wake up my very sleepy and very miserable wife.

Thank God for the drugs.

For Kristen, I mean.